Okay for Now
My family's priority for quarantine so far has been to keep busy. My mother cleans and polishes everything until it squeaks, and my stepfather rehearses the same songs on his guitar. Mostly, they passively watch the news and share Facebook memes. None of us are working, my parents are good at hiding their fear, but I know, for now, we are okay.
Warmth inside, blues outside.
Sweeping away the angst.
Removing day traces.
Recently I've been waking up with headaches and body aches. Perhaps it's a result of my overall lack of movement combined with angst. I am doing my best to remain consistent with workouts to sweat out my troubles and feel rejuvenated with hope. However, the uncertainty in the air leaves a stickiness in the palm of my hands.
The pandemic has canceled any plans to walk across a stage I worked four years to cross. I am the first in my immigrant family to graduate from college. I was heartbroken that I would not be able to see them in a crowd cheering for me at graduation. I dreamed of my younger cousins emulating the moment as a memory that pushed them forward to their dreams. I looked forward to sharing our family's accomplishments. Hearing my name called at graduation, symbolizing that their sacrifices have not been in vain. I do my best not to think about all that COVID19 has halted in my life. I did not prepare these four years for a life post-graduation that is now more unclear than the present.
No good news.
This week I have been fighting the lurking depression. Some days the motivation is drained out of my body from the media's whispers of chaos and death. My stepfather makes death toll announcements every so often: "10,000 total," and no matter how much I tell them to cut down on the news, it is their background noise. Personally, the news welcomes more anxiety than hope. I have family in Honduras that I haven't been able to get in touch with for a couple of weeks. My sister is a surgeon in Honduras that has been assigned a hectic schedule, which makes her difficult to reach. She looks after our father and I am hoping to confirm that they are both safe and healthy soon.
In the midst of all of this, I find ways to take care of myself and slowly recover my motivation. I use yoga, music, and my friend's support to breathe through this week and regaining my faith for a future that we can all recreate into something better.
Protected, my mother back from the grocery store.