Destined to Art
Meditating and reminiscing on where I was in my journey and how I have grown.
I identify as an artist and appreciate the healing art has allotted me. But, it took some pain to get there. My first memorable experience with art was a remarkably traumatic one. Growing up I struggled with my identity as a lighter-skinned black woman in a society that is deeply structured by Eurocentric features. In addition, I felt no true connection to my roots and was lightly educated on black history. When I was about 12 years old, my family and I were visiting an African American History museum in Brooklyn, NY. The art was magnificent and I could feel the sweet soul of blackness permeating through the floors. I can also remember my father being yelled at for touching a clearly marked sculpture of bikes. During the visit, we watched a film exhibit about the black diaspora and I remember not being able to stomach my frustration. I felt anxious, upset and in denial. For many years after that I associated art with controversy because the art my black parents exposed me to challenged the white narrative.
It was not until high school and the start of my spiritual journey that I began to see art’s healing. During my junior year of high school I was blessed with a history teacher who was determined to break the mental prisons placed on black children and I was inspired to tap into myself. My first major painting depicted my black ancestral mothers who guide and protect me on my life path.
Standing with the 4 year old mural inspired by my journey to self-love.
At the time I hadn’t realized how it released trauma, but through reflection I see. I began to embrace my black beauty, I let my hair shrink into coils and I started to want to know myself as a black woman. After my first mural I never stopped making art, but, unfortunately, when I came to college I placed anxiety inducing expectations for myself. I stressed myself to maintain a 4.0 while keeping a strict bedtime of 9 o’clock and working. In addition, I originally was a biology major. I was miserable. I was no longer making art and did not have an hour in my day to clear my mind and dance in the paint. I had stopped searching for myself; a quest my soul longed for.
I am now a psychology major and an art minor. I am able to incorporate painting therapy into my studies which heals me at a voluntary and involuntary level. I am currently participating in a research internship through the Price Humanities program at my school, Rutgers University- Newark. My research examines the use of art making as therapy. This project means so much to me because I know the impact art making continues to have on me. Fortunately, art supplies were accessible to me during this quarantine and I am able to express my emotions towards the state of this brutal society through art. Making art is a universal practice, it can be anything from painting to cooking to whistling. It is about consciously exploring what our unconscious minds need to tell us. One does not have to be a professional to know how to make art or to begin to heal their mind, body and soul. And I believe this project can help to encourage that thought process.