Happiness in Doses
It feels like we’re constantly swimming against currents,
Lost in yesterday’s pain and struggling to envision better tomorrows
It’s the little things that sustain me,
The sound of leaves rustling in the wind when the air is quiet
The feeling of warm water against my skin
The smell from the pages of old books beside my bed frame
The soundtrack to our lives has been police sirens, death tolls, and lies slipping from the tongues of our politicians
And as the anxiety swells up inside, I seek refuge in stillness —
In moments that seem to exist beyond the chaos of reality
I hold on to the image of sunrays splattered against my walls
I hold on to the feeling of calm spurred by the green of the plants on my windowsill
I create to escape the loneliness that shadows me
Even though physically I am isolated
I can still feel the residual warmth of a hug from a loved one on my skin
It looks like oranges and reds gushing out of me in the form of paint onto a blank canvas
And then all these things become palpable respites from the suffering and unease
Art becomes a vehicle for the emotions that exist within me
It is in the stillness and sanguine of these moments that I remind myself,
One day the dust will settle,
And I will not be standing alone
What Inspired the Poem?
One way to stop a panic attack is to focus on the visceral, to pay attention to your senses and anchor yourself back to the physical world. This is partly what inspired this piece.
This pandemic halted a lot of lives. It was a complete disruption of whatever semblance of “normalcy” that we were holding onto as a collective. For a lot of people, the pandemic induced or worsened already existing mental health struggles. Through poetry, I wanted to speak to the collective feeling of isolation and anxiety, but also to the pockets of peace and joy that anchored me throughout quarantine.
Through things like nature, art, and reflection through writing, I found momentary joy and kept myself from falling apart completely. I want this poem to be both an homage to those things that sustained me as well as a translation of my own personal emotions. The hope is that the poem will resonate with whomever comes across it in this very difficult time.